Eddie the Roomba

My wife and I recently purchased one of those robot vacuum cleaners called a Roomba. You put it in its docking station and program it to vacuum your house during selected times of the day.  As it vacuums, it memorizes the layout of your home. All you do is empty the dust receptacle.

As we unpacked the Roomba, my wife said, “We need to give him a name, after all, he’s a robot.” Before I could challenge her as to why a vacuum cleaner should be called a “him,” she snickered, “Let’s call him Eddie,” who I immediately recognized as the first name of my worst-ever boss. Being in the military at the time, I wasn’t allowed to address him with such familiarity, which gives me even more pleasure today.

“Eddie,” as we both refer to him now, belittled his subordinates on a daily basis.  No transgression, no matter how insignificant, was overlooked by his scornful expressions and personal attacks.  We were all barely competent in his eyes, so we required daily scolding for our ineptitude. His ego required constant stroking or he would explode in a rage. “Don’t you know that I’m in charge?” he would bellow. “Why can’t you do this like I want it?” He constantly threatened us with career-ending phone calls and derogatory performance evaluations.

To make matters worse, the assignment required extensive overnight travel as a team, so we were together for extended periods; sharing meals, cars, and accommodations, and walking on egg shells.  As his second in command, I was always catering to his needs, and working to repair the psychological damage he was wreaking on our team and their families.

Words cannot describe the joy we all shared when he was reassigned. I prepared the required farewell speech, later delivering it to a near empty room.

Today, my wife and I take great pleasure in seeing “Eddie” scurry around our floor, cleaning up cracker crumbs and dust bunnies and the other flotsam and jetsam of our daily life...and he better do it right.

Here is the take away:  Treat your team with respect, or you might be reincarnated as a dirt-sucking robot.